


All is Quiet

by SolaraNi



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Self-Harm, Story from the Past, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:40:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25949740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolaraNi/pseuds/SolaraNi
Summary: Sometimes you come to the crossroads of your life.  Sometimes intervention is needed before something drastic happens.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	All is Quiet

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings: Self harm, depressive thoughts, thoughts of suicide.

All is quiet. 

No, that isn’t quite right. There is the ticking of a clock. The thrum of air running through the house like a silent ghost. Comparatively, The soft clicks of something being adjusted electrifies the air; the promise of something palpable.

Click.

A red, blinking light, recording, sparks movement from the room’s only occupant, the screen a backlight to the already dimly light room. As the person steps away from the camera a bedroom comes into view, an occupant, and shadows creeping up the walls where the light cannot reach.

It stares back at the person, expecting, ready to record a performance, and yet it receives no response from the recipient.

A blank stare. 

Instead, a hand out of frame makes a movement, the flicker of scissors glints as it appears out of the darkness and into frame.

“I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to hold back.” 

The scissors are raised. The other arm coming up to meet the blade. Another confrontation just a twitch away.

“It only grows. The whispers.”

The blade is dragged lazily across skin. Blade glancing pale tissue. Hairs raising in alarm as lines are taunted like an artist planning with faint pencil lines before expressing meaning through masterful strokes.

“It’s not that I want to punish myself.”

Blades pause before they separate menacingly. Eyes stare intently at them.

“But the thought of others seeing a physical representation of my mental pain.” A wistful smile. Lips twitching upwards into something more deranged. After it moment it disappears.

Eyes move to focus on the screen.

“Knowing they would understand me. Feel pain at my suffering.”

Blades snap together.

“It feels as if I’ll finally be satisfied. Retributed.”

Another stare.

A moment passes. Expression unchanging from the indifference that started the recording.

A staring contest. Finally, though, the person breaks away.

“I really don’t want to.” Eyes constrict briefly, eyebrows pinch upward before returning to rest.

Scissors move to briefly scrape against skin before being dropped entirely, hands freezing in place.

“Does it really matter anyways? They probably wouldn’t even care.” Hands twitching to complete the action they had previously started.

“Probably wouldn’t even let anyone see it anyways.” Eyes refocus on the hands.

“Wouldn’t change anything. Wouldn’t fix what has happened. Like before.” Hands start to shake.

“Wouldn’t stop it from happening again.” Eyebrows furrow, mouth clenches.

“And again.” Eyes sharpen.

Fists clench. They turn to face the wall. Staring intently. 

“So tell me. God. What am I supposed to do?” Fingers dig into fragile palms.

“What’s the point if I have to continue in this cycle?” Harder. Pain.

“Alone.” Indents in skin.

“Having my hope shattered every time I try.” Nerves start to scream. A mere step away from breaking. Head whips back to face the camera, face full of anger.

“TELL ME GOD. WHAT WORTH IS MY EXISTENCE?” They snarl. Eyes piercing into the indifferent screen. Breath heaving, labored.

Yet, as quickly as the anger came the face morphs into despair. Breath hitching to hold back sobs. Eyes and brows pinching.

“Please. I need an answer.” The voices pitches. Eyes scrunched in pain.

…

Silence stretches and fills the entire room.

…

The emotion leaves. Leaving the indifference that had started the recording.

“You have until I return from my trip. To give me resolution. If not, I’ll arrange a date with the rope in the garden shed.”

…

..

.

Click.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this little piece. I’m sorry for not putting appropriate warning…but I feared it would keep people from reading it. I’ve been wanting to express the most life deciding moment of my life for a while and I think I finally found a way to express it. In high school, as a junior, I was extremely depressed. Had been for years at that point. Life spiraled downwards with every friend that left. As someone who normally only holds one close friend at a time, losing each one only caused the darkness in my soul to tear into me even more. Eventually I reached a point where I needed resolution or things would take a very dark turn. Whether I chose life or death. Whether I chose relief or insanity. Without God’s interference, I was ready to either kill myself or, if I couldn’t do that, go down the darker path of losing the ability to care about anything other than retribution and uncaring within the embrace of madness. Luckily, God healed me, by the time I had returned from my trip to Japan, and life returned to normal, my depression was gone. The self-depreciating thoughts, the whispers of just letting go, my pain, it was all gone. 
> 
> I was finally free.
> 
> I've dedicated my purpose in life to psychological healing so that I can bring what God gave to me that night to others.


End file.
